Confession time: I have paused on page 561 of 771 (US Paperback by Back Bay Books) of Donna Tartt's The Goldfinch beause I am emotionally spent. I have been on a hell of a ride with Theo Decker, aka Potter. He was dealt a shitty hand in life, and stripped of responsible adults, he has few role models to help him make good choices to turn things around. And the trauma of surviving a terrorist bomb barricades his feelings behind a variety of defenses.
In the 200 remaining pages I suspect we are going to hurtle to a dramatic climax. I trust the author to tell a good story--she's earned my respect on that score. However, I do not trust she will deliver a happy ending. So I am on so on edge I have to put the book down and listen to some podcasts instead of reading.
Theo is also an addict and I am trying to kick my diet Coke addiction. Sadly his lapses give my saboteurs ammunition. I have to remind myself, "Theo is fictional and his choice to continue to take pills have nothing to do with me!" I have to hush the whiney voice in my head demanding a large diet Coke from McDonalds.
Finally, it is Father's Day, which I have done my best to ignore since I lost track of where or what my Dad is up to (his choice for over two decades.) This year it has been particularly depressing. Reading about Theo's effed up Dad ought to make me feel a little less alone. Perhaps. Instead it reminds me of the void and this void is full of sadness.
P.S. Finally I screwed up my courage and finished the story. It was very satisfying and I am glad I did. I also googled "The Goldfinch" and delighted to find there is a real painting.